I just stepped in a big pile of sassy!

I still want to register Gay Sects Dot Com, simply for the way it sounds.
I mean, really.
I could use it as a vehicle to discuss the cliquey nature of the queer community and its many sub-sects, no?

My eyes are watery.
This is no good.

I may head over to Spyhouse in a bit, and read a book.
That’s right, I read… books!

Last time I went to Spyhouse I told my friend Nicole (who was with me at the time) that I “Better show up on craigslist missed connections!”
haha.
Because, at the time, there were a rash of missed connections at Spyhouse.
Yes indeedy.

Maybe I’ll act up for attention.
You’d think at 26 I’d be more mature, but in reality I’m more impulsive now than I ever thought possible.

Last month was a *hot month* on my blog - I’ve had this puppy since late July and I got my most hits ever due, in part, to a certain post about a certain local weather man as well as a certain post about a certain American Idol wannabee.

My favorite thing? An insane amount of people find my site by searching “Ang3lin@ J0lie H@ir.”
I’m using the 3’s and @s as not not generate more hits from that search.
Have I ever blogged about A.J.? I don’t think so!
Aw crap. I have. Twice. For shame!

So sterotypical.

I love when I’m at a gay bar, and a girl is flirting with me, or a friend (or both) and manages to slip in the “I’m straight, but…” comment.
Yes, honey. Yes you are.
Your sk8er boi clothes don’t give you away at all.
And then, when I give her a ride home at the end of the night (because I’m nice, folks, not sleazy), my friend notices her L Word DVDs and photos of naked ladies strewn about the apartment.
Aaah sweet, sweet denial.
You don’t see my room plastered with 1/2 naked ANYTHING, do you?
And it’s not just for the sake of art, so don’t give me that hibbity jibbity!

Oh, the bitterness.
I hate that I have one ex (who isn’t even really an ex, though we did date sporadically from late August through early January), that gets to me.
She makes me so mad.
She’s not a nice person, she made out with other people TWICE when we were out on dates.
“Oh, forgive me. Oh, I was drunk. Oh we never officially said we were girlfriends. I promise I’ll never do it again! It meant nothing. I really like you, I want to be with you!”
When I see her out and about I get so angry.
I want to scram from rooftops, “Do not date this girl! She is TROUBLE! She will cheat on you and treat you badly!”
But, I don’t.
Because as much of a sarcastic, tactless punk as I can be (at times), I’m simply too nice.
Urgh.
Can’t she just go away already?!

I mean, I’ve only dated two femmes, like, ever and she’s giving ‘em a bad rep.
At least the first one was a good egg.

I just, hate the feeling of hurt/anger/unresolved issues.
I had never been *cheated on* before in any way/shape/form and man, it hurts regardless of your official status with someone. Talk about disrespect! I loathe the fact that now I’m suspicious and less trusting. It’s rotten and unfair.
I’m really good at not having drama with exes (or non-exes, whatever you want to call it) and I can’t stand that people fawn over her based on looks alone, when honey - the substance is just not there.
She’s smart, yes. Insecure - unfortunately. Messed up with a giant suitcase full of issues - you know it.
But, you know, I’m not even going to go there (you have no idea).
Because, like I said, I’m just too damn nice.

Though if you ask me who in person, I’ll tell you.
Please, please don’t date her girl.

*Disclaimer:
I had an amazing time last night, in general, and my friends were/are hi-larious.
Seriously.
My friends are indescribably amazing, supportive, hot, smart, stunning, and witty.
Lucky punks!
(Lucky me.)

Eighth Annual QLibrary Movie Matinee

Sunday March 26, 1 PM
at the Height’s Theatre,
3951 Central Ave. NE, Columbia Heights MN

Tickets are $10/person and available from:
Query Book Store
Quatrefoil Library desk
QL Board members
CharityBox.com

The Library is excited to announce the line-up for the 8th Annual QLibrary Movie Matinee. This year’s feature movie is “But I’m a Cheerleader” directed by Jamie Babbitt, a 1999 comedy of sexual disorientation.

The cheerleader is pert 17-year-old Megan (Natasha Lyonne) whose hunky boyfriend is the team captain. But her friends and parents suspect that Megan is a lesbian. She does, after all, like Melissa Etheridge and the WNBA and she doesn’t like kissing her boyfriend very much. And she’s pretty touchy with her cheerleader friends. She only has pictures of girls pinned up in her locker, and at home, she’s a vegetarian.

Sooooo! They stage an intervention and send her off to True Directions, a gay-gone-straight camp full of admittedly homosexual misfits, where she can learn to how to be straight. The camp is led by the well-meaning, yet totally insane Mary (Cathy Moriarty) who seems not to notice that her son is even nellier than the male campers. Mary’s partner is none other than RuPaul playing the role of “ex-gay” counselor Mike. Despite his “Straight Is Great” T-shirt, counselor Mike doesn’t seem too butch either!

Will Megan be turned around to successful heterosexuality, or will she succumb to . . . ? Join us at the Heights on Sunday, March 26, at 1:00pm for this frolicking comedy and help us celebrate 20 years of library service to the glbt community

Live Organ Music! Door Prizes! Free Dilly Bars!

*I’ll be there, too.

Yesterday, at the Mall of America, I saw the cutest thing EVER.
There were two teenage girls in red shirts. One girl’s shirt said “MARRY ME Equal Rights Equal Love” on it (much like this sticker that I got at pride), and they were holding hands. Couldn’t have been much more than 16.
Far too cute.
I hope they didn’t get harassed too much. The mall was quite busy.
Reminds me of myself in high school, running around everywhere holding hands with my best friend, and my best gay boyfriends, not a care in the world.
Sweet kids making a statement, and it made my day.

That’s right, I yelled that (above) at a couple of the contestants on American Idol tonight. No worries, they were all of legal age and capable of producing sperm.

Along with the rest of America, I’m a bit too in love with Ace at the moment.
I mean, he sang “Father Figure” - You heard me, FATHER FIGURE.
Hot!
I will be your daddy…
Damn right you will.
I mean… um…
Good show tonight. Top notch.
My favorite guys so far are Ace, Chris, Elliott and a couple of the young-uns.
I love Taylor Hicks’ voice, but I just can’t watch the guy perform. Not pretty.
As far as the girls go - the only ones to thrill me so far are Paris and Katharine (Katie - It should be Katie - Katie McPhee is way cuter). Mandisa has talent, but she’ll never make it. America can only handle obese MALE American Idols, unfortunately. Though this girl has far more showmanship, talent, and charisma than Ruben Studdard will ever have.

I figured I’d better update this here blog seeing as I’ve been getting threats and all.
Jax is so intimidating! ;)

And, a thought or two on The L Word:
1) I’m over Billy.
2) I’m beyond over the Billy/Max sex plot. There’s no chemistry there, it’s not hot. Enough.
3) Why is Shane yelling at Carmen all the time? Not cool, lovebirds, not cool.
AND
4) The sex-crazed FTM storyline going on with Moira come Max? - So typical. And the self-involvement, also typical. The show is making transition seem so easy and not at all thought-out. I disapprove. Then again, I disapprove of the majority of the show. I suppose that’s what keeps me watching - the insane queer soap opera vibe the show has been rocking these past two seasons. Last season was AWFUL. This season is ok so far - season one is the best so far.
OKAY ONE MORE
5) Get rid of that god-awful theme song! Ilene Chaiken, quit deluding yourself into believing that anyone actually likes Betty!
I’m afraid her reality check is long overdue.

In the name of all things awful and unholy…
The L Word made me cry.
Man.
There go all my tough points - right out the window.

I saw Camille Paglia at Barnes and Noble in Edina last night.
You know, she’s crazy!
Lucky for me I agree with about 75% of what she talked about.

Anyway, she brought up being Italian more times than I can count and said, “okay…” in place of “um.”
She’s one of the fastest talkers I’ve ever heard.
Crazy militant feminists! I love how political and ass-kicking she has been, though I could have done without all of her gloating about it.

Supposedly this event was a “close reading” of her new book.
She read nothing form the book, which makes sense - it’s a collection of poetry. Instead, she ranted and raved for about an hour and 15 minutes, including during the Q&A.
Her fan base was obsessive, dorky, and starstruck.
I was among the youngest folks there, and it was hilarious.

Why couldn’t Camille be my college advisor?
I wish she had been.
She’s a stitch.

Honestly, a lot of my upsetness (see yesterday’s post) was brought on by a somewhat deep conversation I had this weekend with a dear friend of mine and two friends of hers, a butch-femme couple. The butch is very sweet and dancey and punky, and so is the femme. They’re both in their 30’s and are a great match. Anyway, we were discussing butch-femme invisibility/nonexistence these days, complaining about butches not dancing (hello - most ladies love to see you dancing, not just leering on the sidelines), and generally expressing frustration with the way that many folks in the queer community are presenting themselves these days.
Damn kids. ;)
So that’s my excuse.

For a much more lighthearted (and hilarious) recap of Sunday’s episode, I direct you here.
Enjoy!

You know, it’s bad enough that the show is 95% long-haired heteronormative women (and, not surprisingly, the lesbians on the show are played by 90% hetero females).
Now they have to go and make fun of not only butch women, but butch women from the midwest.
Yes, some butches wear flannel.
No, not all of them do.

You know, I was excited that they had a butch character on the show - finally - variety!
I’ve said it before and I’m sure I’ll say it again, Shane is not butch!
There’s a big difference between butch and androgynous. Shane is androgynous.
This new character “Moira” is butch, working class, and from Skokie, Illinois.
She says things like “piss” and “dyke” and she scares all the pretty lesbians in their quaint L.A. upper class utopia.
Because all lesbians - no - all lesbians in L.A. are rich and wear make-up.
Right?

I realize the show’s becoming more and more of a soap opera, and I can appreciate the “Days of our Lives” qualities that it has, but I could do without the classism and butch fobia.

In the previews for next week, Alan Cumming’s character suggests that Moira might actually be transgender.
Because, you know, they can’t have even one strong butch woman on the show, right?
Just introduce a separate character that’s transgender and be done with it, okay?
Don’t dangle a butch in front of us for two episodes and then throw her out.
Because in the real world, working class butches, trannies, and punk rock femmes exist.
I’ve never expected the show to mirror my life or my queer reality, but this is just taking it too far.

I know that many folks in the queer community don’t get butches, femmes, or the butch/femme dynamic. I can work with that. The reality is that butches and femmes exist, and they are not all “role-playing,” nor do all butches exclusively date femmes, or vice-versa. Are all house wives imitating June Cleaver? No. If they are homemakers by choice, they are doing what they do because it is a part of their identity, something as natural to them as breathing - not because they’re trying to be the best stereotype they can be.

Honestly, I expected better from The L Word.
Thanks for the lesbian nuns at the beginning, though.
That was a nice touch.

Seriously.
Read this (Brokeback Mountain-related).

re: Brokeback, it’s not a great love story and definitely not one of the greatest love stories ever told. It’s a very unfortunate story.

*via PTWSTSTS