I just stepped in a big pile of sassy!

I have Atopic Dermatitis.

I had it when I was a kid (middle school age) and now that I work with kids, I have it again. Mostly on my right foot, for some odd reason.
(in reality, there’s absolutely no connection - I just like to blame everything on the kids)

I will probably have it for the rest of my life.

Woo I’m part of another minority group!
3% of the population. The doc even did a biopsy on my foot (and took pictures - yikes)!
If I’m lucky, it’ll only flare up bad like this every 10 years. I hope.

P.S. Don’t look up any images for it. Seriously. It’s disgustin.’

This rare personal post is brought to you by an off-putting comment from my mother.
Thanks, mom.

This afternoon, I went shopping with my mom. Pre-shopping, we grabbed some lunch at Panera. During lunch, my mom kept talking about old neighbors of ours, etc. that I “could have” dated (not really). Anyway, she said, “You should try match.com - now that Dr. Phil’s hooked up with them - they have some kind of guarantee now.” Really, what match.com has now is “If, after paying WAY TOO MUCH for six months, you don’t find anyone, we’ll give you another six months ‘free’ to not find anyone.” Awesome.

This made me think about all of the crazy dating (that has begun online) in my life. Keep in mind that NONE of my long-term relationships have happened as a result of online dating (and I’ve never paid for an online dating service).
I have met…
* someone from Wisconsin (on a geared toward a specific audience dating site) who was not very nice to me, that I took a long road-trip with a few months after we began long-distance dating
* other various long-distance folks
* a handful of random local folks
* someone local (on craigslist) that cheated on me. twice.

Really, what it all boils down to is you e-mail once or twice and that’s all that happens. One of you stops responding. Or you have a date and no more. Or you date twice and then the person drops off the face of the earth - months later, they are in a relationship, living with someone, and most likely they were hung up on that person when they went on those two dates with you anyway.

Now, I’m not saying I’ll never date online again. I’m just saying that folks online have the opportunity to be 10,000 times more flaky and shady than they can be in person. There’s no accountability. No security. Two essential things that I need in a relationship (dating, friendship, or otherwise).
I’m just sayin.

Last night, I was out for drinks and snax with mom, dad, and tootsy mcfarts a lot (website withheld to protect the little stinker) and my mom told a story from my childhood.

When I was a youngin’ (maybe 9ish, or 10) my mom volunteered for our church during the summer.
This involved going to local nursing homes, doing readings from the bible, and giving bread/wine (I grew up Roman Catholic, mmmhmm that’s right) and generally socializing with old folks.

Apparently at one nursing home, there were three old ladies that were the best of friends and really enjoyed having my brother and I there.

One day, after mass, really excited, I pulled my mom aside and said,
“Mom - they’re just like The Golden Girls!”

Thank you for being a friend.

Sad, but true. Homophobia is rampant in the public school system.
The caption reads:
“My daughter is still in the closet so she can teach at Smith Elementary.”

Getting an IM from an ex, thinking you were someone else (while you were away from the computer).
Then, you e-mail the ex saying you are not, in fact, “Carolyn,” and all they write back is “Sorry for the inconvenience.”
Creepy.

I use someone else’s.

Thanks to a friend on the interwebs, I bring you…

Valentine
by Carol Ann Duffy

Not a red rose or a satin heart.

I give you an onion.
It is a moon wrapped in brown paper.
It promises light
like the careful undressing of love.

Here.
It will blind you with tears
like a lover.
It will make your reflection
a wobbling photo of grief.

I am trying to be truthful.

Not a cute card or a kissogram.

I give you an onion.
Its fierce kiss will stay on your lips,
possessive and faithful
as we are,
for as long as we are.

Take it.
Its platinum loops shrink to a wedding-ring,
if you like.

Lethal.
Its scent will cling to your fingers,
cling to your knife.

Break out the Kenny G!

A while ago when I was having relationship problems, my mom printed out this “credo” for me to read.
Honestly, I was pretty pissed off.
Who really wants to be preached at when they’re already upset?

Recently, however, I’ve re-read it (my mom has it up on her fridge), and it makes sense.
It’s pretty simple, calm, and I like it.
I’m trying my best to follow it these days.

Here you go, hippies:
A Credo for My Relationships (cred)
You and I are in a relationship which I value and want to keep. We are also two separate persons with our own individual values and needs.

So that we will better know and understand what each of us values and needs, let us always be open and honest in our communication.

When you are experiencing a problem in your life, I will try to listen with genuine acceptance and understanding in order to help you find your own solutions rather than imposing mine. And I want you to be a listener for me when I need to find solutions to my problems.

At those times when your behavior interferes with what I must do to get my own needs met, I will tell you openly and honestly how your behavior affects me, trusting that you respect my needs and feelings enough to try to change the behavior that is unacceptable to me. Also, whenever some behavior of mine is unacceptable to you, I hope you will tell me openly and honestly so I can try to change my behavior.

And when we experience conflicts in our relationship, let us agree to resolve each conflict without either of us resorting to the use of power to win at the expense of the other’s losing. I respect your needs, but I also must respect my own. So let us always strive to search for a solution that will be acceptable to both of us. Your needs will be met, and so will mine–neither will lose, both will win.

In this way, you can continue to develop as a person through satisfying your needs, and so can I. Thus, ours can be a healthy relationship in which both of us can strive to become what we are capable of being. And we can continue to relate to each other with mutual respect, love and peace.

My new challenge is:
Being an “actions speak louder than words” kind of person who maintains meaninful relationships with others that prefer an abundance of words to bold actions.

Guess what?
I have a Masters Degree.
Take that, suckers!

Pictures will be posted… eventually.
My mom took the shots and she’s a bit slow with uploading to flickr.
For now, there’s a camera phone shot up on my page.

And that’s all she wrote.

There’s a new film coming out, premiering in San Francisco, that I wish was coming here to the Flaming Film Festival.
Shucks.
It’s called “FtF: Female to Femme” and touches on queer/dyke + femme identities.
It actually talks about “transitioning” to femme.
I guess I’ve never heard it put that way.

I do feel like I came out twice - once as queer, the second time as femme (and, yes, both were very different), but the term *transitioning* - I’m not sure how it sits with me.
I’m not against it - it’s just new and different. It appears as though they’re trying to “spin” that word, so I may just be taking things too seriously here. Reading the little synopsis on the main page (that I linked to above) helps a bit.
hmm.

Watch the preview.
Let me know what you think.

(I think it’s a bit slow, but has potential.)

I love when I’m at a gay bar, and a girl is flirting with me, or a friend (or both) and manages to slip in the “I’m straight, but…” comment.
Yes, honey. Yes you are.
Your sk8er boi clothes don’t give you away at all.
And then, when I give her a ride home at the end of the night (because I’m nice, folks, not sleazy), my friend notices her L Word DVDs and photos of naked ladies strewn about the apartment.
Aaah sweet, sweet denial.
You don’t see my room plastered with 1/2 naked ANYTHING, do you?
And it’s not just for the sake of art, so don’t give me that hibbity jibbity!

Oh, the bitterness.
I hate that I have one ex (who isn’t even really an ex, though we did date sporadically from late August through early January), that gets to me.
She makes me so mad.
She’s not a nice person, she made out with other people TWICE when we were out on dates.
“Oh, forgive me. Oh, I was drunk. Oh we never officially said we were girlfriends. I promise I’ll never do it again! It meant nothing. I really like you, I want to be with you!”
When I see her out and about I get so angry.
I want to scram from rooftops, “Do not date this girl! She is TROUBLE! She will cheat on you and treat you badly!”
But, I don’t.
Because as much of a sarcastic, tactless punk as I can be (at times), I’m simply too nice.
Urgh.
Can’t she just go away already?!

I mean, I’ve only dated two femmes, like, ever and she’s giving ‘em a bad rep.
At least the first one was a good egg.

I just, hate the feeling of hurt/anger/unresolved issues.
I had never been *cheated on* before in any way/shape/form and man, it hurts regardless of your official status with someone. Talk about disrespect! I loathe the fact that now I’m suspicious and less trusting. It’s rotten and unfair.
I’m really good at not having drama with exes (or non-exes, whatever you want to call it) and I can’t stand that people fawn over her based on looks alone, when honey - the substance is just not there.
She’s smart, yes. Insecure - unfortunately. Messed up with a giant suitcase full of issues - you know it.
But, you know, I’m not even going to go there (you have no idea).
Because, like I said, I’m just too damn nice.

Though if you ask me who in person, I’ll tell you.
Please, please don’t date her girl.

*Disclaimer:
I had an amazing time last night, in general, and my friends were/are hi-larious.
Seriously.
My friends are indescribably amazing, supportive, hot, smart, stunning, and witty.
Lucky punks!
(Lucky me.)