Surreality
As I sit here in my makeshift kitchen/dining area with the wind gusting through the window, I appreciate this perfect breeze. My armpits, which have been drenched in sweat for the majority of the day, are experiencing a much needed reprieve. This is, quite nice.
From my morning which started off in such an unusual fashion to my day that was full of good spots and just one bad one.
Today, waking extra early, saving time to go to the store for lunch (and breakfast) to bring to work. About to leave the store, realizing I’d forgotten my water, and returning for one more small purchase. Stepping outside, blurry memories of where I’d parked just moments ago, a glance across the parking lot to see a face I’d never expected to see. (I shouldn’t say never expected - perhaps never desired to see in person.) It is far easier to discount or ignore someone who hasn’t yet existed in any reality other than virtual. This face, attached to a small sinewy body… something that that was, in fact, quite expected. Surprised, half amused, just a touch saddened, I drove off assuming I made it out unseen. Shocked by this close encounter of the third (or fourth, or fifth) kind, I made my way in to work.
Shaking and nervous as I had been since I woke, I took my leaking coffee out of the holder. Lucky for me it didn’t start leaking until after the close encounter of the (oh my god i hate you why do you live in my town) kind. I do not hate - for others, I cannot speak, but can sense their feelings of unwelcome toward me.
Onward to a day full of mostly ups with happy engaged youngsters working together, strong role models. One dull rusty spot in the day involving a certain someone with whom I just can connect, not really. I can see right through the fake smiles and intention to please but only so far - as soon as the conversation is over and backs are half-turned, the eye-rolls begin (or should I say, resume…).
I can see past the disrespect. The intentional gestures to insult and belittle. I see right through them, I know them all too well. I move forward to a day of positive interaction and uplifting teamwork.
I drive home in the sun and blue sky with clouds above and mountains so close. I reflect on my morning as I sit, back to the perfect breeze, in my teeny tiny home with my new life and my yet unwritten future.
