I just stepped in a big pile of sassy!

I’ve never live blogged before - let’s see how this goes.

Before the show starts:
I’d like to see either Bald Guy or Justin Timberlake Guy go.
That’s right. I don’t remember their names and I’ve been watching all season!

First thought:
Seacrest - button your shirt!
Bon Jovi?
Glam rock fest!

Bon Jovi does not equal one of the greatest rock bands in history.
I respectfully disagree.

I’ve never heard of Bon Jovi’s keyboardist before. Seriously. I thought it was just Jon and Ritchie.
Keyboard guy - nix the poodle perm!

Seacrest - SHAVE. You look like a pedophile with stubble. I’m just sayin’.

Creepy Bald Guy goes first!
Blaze of Glory - he’s goin’ down this week. Suckfest. I had a friend in junior high named Stacey - she was cute, but insecure. A redhead. I wonder what ever happened to her… What’s up with the gun points to the camera, Phil? I know his name now - thanks for popping it up on the screen, kids - I seriously couldn’t have remembered it if I tried! Wow. Phil’s doing well. Not fond of the crotch shots, or the dark bushy eyebrows + pointy ears. I’m judgmental. I’m an American. We’re made that way. Quote of the night (so far), “He looks like a chemo patient, but he’s doing very well.”
Randy says: “Look dude other than country week this is your best performance ever on the show.”
Paula says: incoherent babble. no complete sentences until “Best opening we’ve had all season long.”
Simon says: “Like a bad actor playing a role.” No authenticity. “I don’t think you’ve done enough to last next week.”

Up next…Jordin Sparks - yay!
“Livin on a Prayer” - hot. Nice hair! Mine used to look like that for dance recitals. I love that she’s a plus sized model. She’s quite a snazzy dresser on the show. Ooh nice interaction with the musicians - not so fond of her tone. Pitch problems. She looks uncomfortable. It’s weird - she pulled off the Gwen Stefani song so well, but she is just not doing this song justice.
Randy says:”Interesting… tough… the verses were rough…”
Paula says:”You went for it… knowing it was a little bit out of your range. You’re hot.”
Simon says: “Cue the boos in advance… the look is like something out of the Adams’ Family… singing was out of control… It was terrible.”

Third… Lakisha Jones - that’s a bad look.
“This Aint a Love Song” - I’m not a fan of the song… it’ll be interesting to see what she does with it. I”m not feelin’ that wig in general, especially the greasy-looking hair in her eyes. I’m bored. Girl does know how to end a song, though.
Randy says: “You started out rough… by the middle… you sold me.”
Paula says: “That low (and ???) tone of your voice, that’s like money in your pocket.”
Simon says: “LaKisha, I actually could kiss you after that.” KISS. (ooh! on the lips!) “You were so good!”

Numero Quatro… Blake Lewis - new hair!
“You Give Love a Bad Name” - I loved this song when I was a kid! I like the hair color but I’m not sure about the cut. It makes him look younger. Like an emo high school boy. He’s kinda giving the song the 311 treatment and I’m not sure how I feel about that. He has a lot of energy and the crowd is into it. I dig that. I dig the beat boxing and dancing and work with the drummer. It hasn’t been done before on Idol, and it’s working well for him, still nice and energetic. Workin’ the crowd and camera… Blake is still one of my favorites. That was really cool. I wonder if Simon will kiss Blake…
Randy says: “Most original version of a song ever on American Idol. That was hot baby.”
Paula says: “You really put yourself out there. This was amazing.”
Simon says: “Thank you mum. 1/2 the audience will hate it 1/2 the audience will love it. This is what is going to keep you in the competition next week.”

Fifth…Chris Richardson - is he still on the show? Damn the luck.
Interview/audience response (What do you think right before you perform?): Inarticulate much? “Just have fun. Just have fun. Just have fun.”
“Wanted Dead or Alive” - Is that a sock monkey on his shirt? So far not too bad - I have a feeling it’s going to venture into nasalinsanity any moment now… Creepy eyes. Bad lighting. Chris is neither badass nor tough. I’m underwhelmed. ;) Chris is also not a cowboy. More creepy wide eyes. What a flat and boring performance.
Randy says: “You did your thing… that was nice… I liked that. Nice.”
Paula says: “You did your thing. This is turning out to be a great night.”
Simon says: “This is not your style of music. Whether that’s good enough or not to stay next week, I’m not sure.”

Last, coming to us with the shortest neck on television, Melinda Doolittle - she really needs to step up her game. I’ve been bored with her the past couple of weeks. She picks songs that are too old for my taste. Maybe old-fashioned? At any rate, she hasn’t thrilled me for weeks.
Bon Jovi: “I can teach you how to rock.” Hah!
“Have a Nice Day”
Don’t you need a neck to head bang? Why’s she sassin’ off to the guitarist? Her outfit is making me laugh and laugh and laugh. I think it’s getting a bit too churchy. Ooh she’s sassin’ to the guitarist again. What the hell does her shirt say? She’s doing that foot to foot stompy thing that she does. I dont’ like it. What’s with the wiggly fingers, Melinda? Her voice is ok. I’m not really buying the song. I feel like I’m watching a bad one-hit-wonder female sidekick of Prince’s.
Randy says: She’s got “Tina Turner” attitude.
Paula says: “You’re a rockstar.
Simon says: “Like a young Tina Turner.. vocally in a different league to everyone else tonight.”

G.W. Bush says, “God Bless.”

On second thought - creepy bald guy reminds me of an acquaintance from high school, who happens to do (boy) drag now. Gawky and awkward just like her.
I love Blake!